Wondering if I am the only one who feels this way


#1

I have a question to pose and am wondering if I am the only one who feels this way. As many knows we had several months of my mother in law’s health issues. Now that she is gone I am having trouble being as excited about painting babies as before. I am on some antianxiety meds right now which is new for me. I have been giving myself pep talks but… I know I have to get busy since I have 4 babies to be delivered in August and then a special class I have been waiting on for months. I was so excited about that class I have the 5 outfits made and ready to put on the babies. I have 3 spoken for and at least one boy and one girl will be mine. Sorry for the babbles, my question is am I the only one who feels this way after a loss?


#2

No Deb - not at all. I believe each of us deals with loss in our own way. It’s never easy to lose anyone close & I can certainly identify with the love you feel for your mother-in-law. My mother-in-law was as close to a mom as I could have had, since I lost my mom when I was 9, I really became attached to her. Time will not make you forget, but it will help to heal and you will have a lifetime of good memories of the time you have spent with her.

I just learned a few weeks ago that my older sister is dying of pancreatic cancer - and she told me that she wants no attention, or sympathy because she has had a happy long life and no one is expected to live forever. She has focused her attention not on the cancer but making the most of the time she has left. Hers is terminal - but as she pointed out to me - my life is terminal too - none of us has a guarantee. I guess that’s why I love her so very much & even though I know I will hurt me terribly, she has the right attitude and I know that. So if it makes it easier for her - I must agree that she is correct. She told me she’ll meet me one day, and I know we will.

But for now - we must & will get through this. When things get overwhelming seek someone you feel good with to talk it through and talk about all the happy times you shared with her for that is the legacy of love!
Please know I will remember you in my prayers too - to help you understand and deal with this great loss.


#3

Of course not. The loss of someone we care about leaves a deep emotional emptiness. It takes a while to regain your “mojo”.

Hang in there. It will come back! hugs


#4

Deb, Ginny, so sorry to learn of your heartbreaks; I agree with Ginny, find someone who will let you talk and talk and talk, jumping around from subject to subject, back and forth, and who will patiently let you adapt your brain and your heart to what is real. The sadness will always be there, it doesn’t ever go away, but it becomes scar tissue instead of an open, gash of a wound. You will probably always have tears come to your eyes, as I do for the losses in my life, but then I think of the time I had and the friend I got to know, and how that enriched my life and thankfulness replaces the grief. And yes, it’s normal to feel the way you do; everyone copes in a different way, there’s no right or wrong. Sometimes talking yourself into an activity will get you jumpstarted, and it is a welcome delay in adapting to the truth, but you will feel better in a while…maybe not happy in a social kind of way, but you’ll get through the days, and as they go by, you adapt, and best of all, you remember.


#5

It is normal to feel this way Debora. I do know how you feel. And you feel like you are worn out emotionally, kind of like a deflated balloon. But you will get back to normal, in time. ((hugs))


#6

And Deb, that’s what friends are for - to support each other in times of good & sadness.


#7

No Debra you are not the only one. My very best friend died from cancer about a year ago and when she died my desire to do the babies or have anything to do with them died with her. We talked on the phone two or three times a day. I reborned all her babies and she got so excited when a new kit came out she wanted. She would buy the eyes, hair, body at the same time as the kit. I would go out to California every two to three months to see her and talk about babies. We had such good times together. I miss her so much.

It has taken me a while to get back in to reborning again so you aren’t the only one that feels the way you do. It takes a while but your desire will come back. Loss effects people in so many different ways.


#8

I have been feeling the same way, I lost my husband in unexpectedly November and had 3 dolls to finish for Christmas presents for our grand daughters. I finished those just in time (not the best work i have done either)and then finished the one for my daughter that i had started before. I have 2 out to work on now but cant seem to get in the mood. I bought the one to enter into the contest and will not get it done in time. It times i just feel numb and other times miss him so much. We had been married 32 years.
I do love to look and see what is on sale and see every ones babies. I have hard time with trying to post pictures of mine.
Judy


#9

Thank you for sharing ladies I was beginning to think it was just me I have been so excited since I started reborning and now it seems i have to make myself get started I was about to get worried. I am sorry for all your deaths but it does seem to help to share.


#10

So many times when we lose someone close to us, we feel so alone. Even though I have loved ones all around me, I still mourn my parents whom I lost over the last couple of years. My mom never got to see my reborn dolls and she would have loved them. However, I find good distraction and relaxation creating my dolls. They are my therapy. If I’m not feeling “up” on a particular day, I don’t work on them. I like to keep my doll room my “happy place”. My prayers are with all of you who are hurting…


#11

Each person has their own way and their own timeline for dealing with a death, a loss or any emotional trauma. I’ve been on anti-depressants for over 15 years now and will be for the rest of my life. The big thing is to remember that it doesn’t mean you are weak if you need to take meds during this time. It just means your body isn’t able to produce the chemicals your brain needs right now. It shouldn’t be viewed as any worse than a diabetic taking insulin. So take the meds and don’t think you are any less capable for needing them.

Sometimes our hearts need time to heal too. Plus you have to get past the exhaustion that any mental stress has put on your body. On top of that, it sounds like you have a demanding job. Just give yourself a little slack and if you need to just veg out for a while, don’t worry about it. If three months from now, you still don’t enjoy doing anything, then get the doctor to adjust the meds. Sooner if you get suicidal. If you just find that you enjoy some things but not dolls yet, then do other things for a while longer.

We all go through times when we wonder if we are normal! You are…normal but grieving. It hasn’t been that long. Remember we are here for you. And you are not alone.


#12

Deb that’s also a side effect of the want anxiouty med give it about two months in your system and ull feel better i was the same way when i went on them


#13

I have read no one else’s reply, partially because I didn’t want to be jaded in anyway and partially because I have been so damn sick for the last 4 days that I don’t think I have the energy to read them all.
Deb…when we grieve we need to experience all the emotions and the feelings that go along with “loss”. Even though you had time you couldn’t “buyinto” them as you had to keep functioning. I don’t know what the anit anxiety pills are for but knowing you as little as I really do and know very well what you do for a living…I cannot imagine you having any anxiety! I think you are tired and sad and are not able to control how you feel wich you are usually able to do in your job or couldn’t do it for long in something this persnal. What we do with these babies is more than paint them, we give them life and hearts and souls to some extent and we can’t give what we don’t have to give. you need to take 3 weeks to cry, to not give to anyone anything, to remember your mil and what she meant to you and then start to build in your mind what life will be like without her. I have a hunch that if you do this you will find your creativity again, bundled up in there somewhere. But if you don’t go thru this initial period of bereavement and guuilt at it’s beginning you will have a hard time healing your soul and your creativity. All meds really do to people like you and i is to let us prolong the feelings so we an get thru the present. You need to go thru them and then begin to rebuild your life without her in it.
I hope this makes some sense even with the awful typos. I have been so amazingly sick with a stomach virus from who knows where? Aliens maybe? that I functioning at about 20 percent. If you would litke to talk about any of this then please feel free to call…734 6469958 anytime…
Love you dearest lady
You will be fine soon…but only if you let yourself walk this journey called bereavement.
hugs
joy


#14

thank you to all you ladies I feel comforted, It is hard and I do have a hard job. We have had several of the people I grew up respecting die in the last few months and then my mother in law died. I am taking anti anxiety medicine because I had to go to the Dr to get my blood pressure meditation refill written and my Dr has been my Dr for over 30 years and a friend. He of course knew about my mother in law and expressed his sympathy and I lost it. Now I do not cry in front of others. When I cry I do it behind closed doors. I was depressed once over 20 years ago and contemplated suicide, I will never go there again. So he gave me some hiibryd I think is how it is spelled. He told me I could quit when I neeeded to . He would help me slowly quit.


#15

i can agree! my grandmother (the woman that raised me) passed on the 14th of this month and im just not as excited about making babies anymore … she was such a huge fan of them and now that she is gone its like nothing else matters… i feel for you hun and understand


#16

Your certainly not alone. When my eldest son died, when both of my parents died and when my 17 year old daughter went missing… I wanted to disappear too. I wanted the birds to stop singing and I just wanted to wake up from those nightmares. But I slowly began to remember that tomorrow is a new day. I eventually healed and then became stricken with serious illnesses. But that one thought got me and still gets me through each day. Also like already said above anti depressive pills are for chemical imbalances not true sadness. Never let sadness win.

Your very fortunate that you have these ladies here to encourage your healing.

I hope you regain your light.


#17

I know the bible says God will not place more on us than we can handle, but I think he thinks I can handle more than I can.


#18

so sorry…


#19

D -

come on now… the fact that your insightful enough to know the loss is in fact effecting your ability to get motivated - that in and of itself is pretty amazing. you have every right to feel feelings of not being motivated - of not experiencing that same level of joy as before. You sound like the kind of woman that is strong and insightful and your working through it. I always pray when I feel lost - when I feel vulnerable - when I feel like the pieces of my life are scattered here and there. It is amazing the comfort that comes. I don’t like to talk about God too much b/c people use to scare me as a kid - it was only later that I acknowledged God in my life and how freaking blessed I was. I never realized that God speaks to each of us in different ways - through music - through words - through other people. One time I was thinking about how I always see weird numbers - or the same numbers and I was thinking numbers are significant in the bible in many ways - I was in my car and just then a car went by and the license plate read: ONEGOD in all caps. I squeeled like a pig. It was like just another way to build my faith. I think the fact that you posted your feelings and your indifference to how your feeling is in some way - another way - for all of us to think about our lives, our losses - how we experience joy. It sure made me think about it D. I lost my dad when I was 19 - he was 53 - and I was a young mom and trying to get through school - any hobby I would have had - I’m certain I would have had a hard time getting into. In fact, I failed legal research and writing that semester b/c I just didn’t care. I will pray for you - and it sounds like you were close to your mil and she was close to you - that you got to experience joy with her- she surely recognized your talent and what better way to honor her than to keep making beautiful babies so others can experience joy. I see you post actively on the forum and I have a lot of respect for those that take the time to build others up - put theirselves out for objective critiqueing (can’t spell) and so I hope you do stay active in your doll making and participation on the forum.

on a side note - I spent my whole life w/o medication - then - in May of 2010 I started making the dolls - and within 3 months I was seriously obsessed. Completely unfocused. I was in love with making the babies - and the feedback and adoration from people that received my dolls just got inside me and scattered me. I ended up on medication for ADHD. I don’t always take it - but I think my love for making the dolls - a hobby that just consumed me - that I didn’t know how to separate work, life, etc. I am better now - better with my time, better with organizing.

Anyways, you’ll be in my prayers D and I know you’ll get through this. Just think of the joy you’ll bring to someone with one of your babies. They say real happiness can be found when you do something for someone else - that when your feeling down - if you try to help someone else - you’ll feel better.

dolly hugs


#20

thank you all, I have some hormone issues also that they are working on.I am old enough to be in menopause but unfortunately according to my obgyn I have the hormones of a 25 year old. Grrr! No end in sight so they are trying to medically jump start or how ever it needs to be put menopause.