Could use some prayers-life falling apart


#21

I am so sorry this is happening to you. First of all though…he is still financially responsible for that baby. Call the attorney general and get an appointment set up.
This brings up so many memories for me. I got myself into a similar situation in 2009. I had been divorced from my first ex for about 10 years though, content and thriving on my own. Then I met this “wonderful man of God.” We got married and got pregnant a few months later. Then when I was about 4 months pregnant, everything changed. He became mean and distant, started drinking and having affairs. He too tried to say he didn’t want the baby anymore. I said that’s fine, but you still have to pay child support. So he decided not to give up custody if he was going to have to pay anyway. Meanwhile…besides my 3 kids and his 2 kids, we also had another baby that we were adopting. (The adopted baby and biological baby are 10 months apart, the adopted one is find older of the two.) anyway, my husband ended up with a 19 year old girl (same age as my daughter at the time.) the girl had her own baby who was right between the ages of our babies. I had to sit there watching him play daddy to her baby while wanting nothing to do with ours. I begged the girl to go away. I told her he was sick and needed spiritual help and we needed her out of the way so we could work on our marriage. She said “God gave him to me now.” Meanwhile…I broke my foot. So I was hobbling around on crutches with a pregnant belly and a crawling baby. (Without my big kids, I wouldn’t have made it.) Then, when I thought it couldn’t get worse, my mom was diagnosed with advanced, agressive cancer. It was all over her uterus, ovaries, ■■■■■■…everywhere! She went into the hospital September 1. She had no insurance, so my siblings and I were desperately trying to find some kind of funding to pay for her treatments. But I was thinking I had a little bit of good ahead. September 9, Jacob and I were supposed to finalize Raymond’s adoption. Even though we were separated, we were still married. That’s when he told me he changed his mind and didn’t want to adopt him. So instead of finalizing, I went to the lawyers office to start paperwork to get Jacobs name off the case. Meanwhile…we were still looking for funding for Momma. I was still on crutches. I was still fat pregnant. I had been spending the days at the hospital with momma. Then she got C-diff. So I couldn’t take Raymond up there anymore. And really I didn’t need to be there. So my brother starting taking more of my “shifts.” Then September 14 came. I was getting up to go to the hospital to sit with Momma. But my water broke. Luckily I was having him at the same hospital she was at. But he was nearly 6 weeks early. But he just couldn’t handle anymore time in my stressful body. For the next week, I went back and forth to NICU, to Mommas room, to home. We had to scrub down 3 minutes upon entering NICU, and upon leaving Momma’s room. We had to wear gowns and masks for both. Meanwhile Momma was having surgeries, still with no insurance, still not starting treatment, progressively getting worse. Ironically, when she was admitted, they admitted her under the Gyn/Ob department. The same doctor that delivered baby Caedmon on the 14th, ended up signing the papers to disconnect mommas machines on the 27th. He brought my baby in, and my momma out 2 weeks apart. As I watched her take her last breath, I somehow kept breathing. I kept going. Don’t ask me how. All I know is God carried me. I honestly can not look back at September 2009 and see any other way I made it except God. After that…life didn’t get better. But it did get less hectic. I ended up divorced. I adopted Raymond alone. I struggled. But finally, my heart stopped hurting so much. Then, about 3 years ago I really did find a perfect man.
What I’m saying is…hang in there. It will eventually get better. But for now, let God carry you. Then one day you will be able to look back and see how incredibly strong you were able to be with His help. Cling to the verse “I can do all things through Christ.” He will get you through. And we will all be praying you through. Message me if you ever need to talk. I try to be an encouraging person. And I have lots of experience to be able to relate. (That’s just the story of the 2nd marriage. The first marriage is an even bigger story…I could write and novel about my whole drama filled life.)
Hang in there. God bless you. Don’t give up. :heart:️️


#22

Praying for you through all this turmoil. May God lift you, protect you and provide all of your needs.


#23

Prayers !! Reach out to the places suggested above -there is help out there - is there family or friends you could stay with a couple of months until u can find a new place to stay ? Even though you may not feel like it -God is with you ! Pray for peace , understanding and guidance. Try not to stress ( easier said than done I know ).


#24

You and Katina brought tears to my eyes, but God is able to give you peace while you let him work it out for you. God’s many blessing on both of you, and please keep up informed of what’s happening.


#25

My former husband also had an affair. Ironically, his mistress said something similar. Sorry, but God would not send you someone else’s husband. Lol

Boy have you been through it, @Katinafleming. I hope things settle down for you soon, @Sweetpetitenursery. :frowning:


#26

You could write a novel about your life! Wow! So glad things turned out for you and you are willing to share hope and faith with those who need it.


#27

“God gave him to me now” seems to be the go to phrase for mistresses. Umm…no. God doesn’t give you someone else’s husband. They did eventually end up married. She can have him. Life did settle down for me and I now have a man who truly does love God, me, and my children. I was mad at God for a while. But eventually it became clear that God allowed that chapter so He could bring me to better things. @Sweetpetitenursery…it’s hard for you to see it right now, but God truly does have better things planned for you. Just hold on to Him and let Him carry you through the storm to the calm on the other side. :heart:️️


#28

Sending up prayers for you during this terribly difficult time. Be sure to get hold of any right to life groups in your area , they should be able to help with baby things and maternity clothes. Keep your head high… You CAN do this.


#29

Thank you all for tour words of support. It means a lot. I did have a church that I loved but that is now gone too. I reached out to our life group there thinking they would offer guidance and instead they shut me out and sided with him. They said sex outside of marriage is a sin to basically this is my fault. He is the one who wanted to do that but I did not speak my mind about being against it. All I was was jist a steady hookup under the guise of being engaged. Wish I had seen it. Never again will i fall for sinful behavior. For some reason when I sin, I receive greater consequences while people like him walk off Scott free. I don’t get it. I had become good friends with his colleagues wife and she is now bailing too. She says she c ant handle this and it hurts her too much to be around me knowing what he did. So I have lost much more than a home, a step dad for my kids, father to my unborn son. I have lost my church, good friends, would be in laws that I thought cared about us, financial security and trust. I haven’t lost my faith. Some how I still have faith that everything will work out.


#30

Well - la-dee-dah! Who set them up as judge & jury? That is DISGUSTING. But I’m not surprised…

Whatever, they wouldn’t have helped you anyway, that’s just their excuse.

I can’t stand people like that.


#31

Sound so like you need a better church anyway. There’s nothing Christlike about their behavior. All have sinned and fall short. Those people just sin differently than you do. I would stay as far away from their hypocrisy as possible. Pray for them and move on to a different church.


#32

How sad that people profess with their mouth and not show it with their hearts and actions :frowning: katina is exactly right -that obviously is not the church for you -no sin is greater than any other except denying God -their act of shunning you is sin -no difference! - seek God sweet -put your focus and faith in Him - and believe me they will answer for their sins -maybe not here on this earth but we all will stand before Him ! Sorry you are going thru so much - prayers continued! Keep searching for a church -there is one out there for you !


#33

I’ve been in some of the same experience as both of you ladies. GOD was my Only Help! And He is the Best Help, Stay Close to Him and He will direct your path. You Can do All things Through Christ. He will give you Strength.


#34

Some of you ladies have shared some terrible stories. My heart goes out to you all. I’m also tickled to see all the good Christian sentiments towards our sister here. It’s not often that I find it welcome nor comfortable to discuss the lessons left to us by Jesus.

My son’s dad never cheated, or used drugs or anything like that, but he did have some mental health problems that developed with time and couldn’t handle money. I left him for a few years, when my son was small, and went to school. I was living on public assistance and applying for every scholarship and grant I could. I sold plasma to buy food for my son and I when there was no other way. I took out loans, maxed out credit cards and did all of that so I would have a good enough education to earn a living wage. That was really, really hard but I’m glad I did it when my son was small. He really doesn’t remember us being so poor. His dad straightened up for a few years, my son needed him, and since he was tolerable, I let him back in. He got bad again a couple years ago, but since my son is a teen now, he agreed that it would be better if his dad lived on his own and supported his self in his own home. It was hard, but for the best in the long-term. It felt like I had 2 kids for the majority of my adult life, and he made my life incredibly hard. It was really, really lonely.

The United Way often has programs for single parents to get a college education. Find a good social worker in your area that can help you find resources to get by. If you are fearful of homelessness, the Salvation Army often helps with these issues. I wish I had more to offer to help, but prayer and free advice is all I know. You are more than welcome to PM me, I will help you with any advice I can give.

My point is, you really can’t rely on any man at all to care for kids in any way, shape or form. It’s much too easy for them to toss anyone aside and go about doing whatever they impulsively feel they want, society doesn’t hold them accountable and morals only apply to women. I know that doesn’t seem right, but that’s just how things are now. The best thing to do is temporarily get by, let the gov’t help you out, get an education for a well-paying job and in time, you will be paying the gov’t back 10 fold. Your kids will have a financially stable home life if you make moves towards long-term decisions instead of what’s simply easy or feels good. Don’t feel guilty for asking for help to help yourself. Think positively, you can do this and you will.

In the meantime, I send prayers your way and hope that other people that have been there will reach out. Don’t beat yourself up over all this ‘sin’ business. Think of it more as bad decisions and you now know to avoid them. Learn and grow, but you can’t do that if you concentrate on seeing your situation as punishment. You are going through a lot of stress, if you can see a therapist this give you tools to think about and process decisions, it would be helpful for now and in the future. Don’t worry too much about male companionship, it sounds like you went out of the frying pan and into the fire… take a break from all that and focus on being the best you possible. Love yourself first.


#35

Thank you for all the words of support and kindness. I do plan to find another church full of real Christians who don’t just talk the talk but actually Walk The Walk. My friends and family have urged me to start asking for help even though that is extremely hard for me. I have always been the one who has given my money away to others and donated everything I could to others. But I think God is telling me it’s okay to ask for help now so I did start a go fund me page as hard as it is for me to accept the help. I am amazed at the kindness and generosity of people that don’t even know me. I plan to start making more dolls by staying up late every night and working. Trying to do everything I can to help myself but it doesn’t seem to be enough. However I do have faith that God will help.


#36

praying <3


#37

Just an update. So it seems that because of my massive student loan debt that I’ve been making small payments on, I can’t get a loan any where for a home. I also can’t get approved to lease anything despite having enough income to afford low rent. So now we may end up homeless even though I can afford rent. How does that even make any sense? We can’t stay where we are because it’s two bedroom and already way too small for two kids plus me. I can’t fit a third one. I also can’t afford to keep paying a grand a monyh for rent. It’s slightly too high. They won’t even let me upgrade to a 3 bedroom even if I could afford it because of my credit. So I have no idea what I’m supposed to do now. I feel I’m being punished for getting an education.


#38

Section 8 may be an option. It will come together for you eventually, I know it. Whaat about renting from a private individual who may not check credit?


#39

I’m so sorry you are going through all of this. Have you checked with section 8? I know in many areas the waiting list is too long. But even if that’s the case, maybe they can point you to other resources.


#40

Can you afford to stay where you are now? If your secure there, I would tough it out. You probably don’t need the extra stress trying to find a home and move on top of it. It may be small, but you have a place. You may be able to bank some money while you’re there too. Don’t worry about the kids, they don’t care and they are resilient. In the end they’re unappreciative and feel entitled. It’s only after the fact that we get to realize that. Yes, it’s hard going backwards, but if you do you will have only one way to go and that’s forwards.